ani ki aag no wait its ani ki aarrgghh....

thakur baldev singh (played by UR Rai) waits at the railway station as the police officer walks up to him. baldev singh was a police officer himself untill he, in a very tragic accident lost the nail on the little finger on his left hand... as he was no longer in the physical condition to coninue his duty (of spitting on the walls of the police station or the thana) his uniform was taken away by the state government and he was left outside the police thana in his undies and yes his blue shawl which is wrapped around him throughout the movie (i do not wish to give him a change of attire...let the bugger stay in the same clothes...let him stink....dirty muffuga!)... he wasn given a gun in the first place because the state government had run out of funds (btw this is set in the deserted areas of salt lake city, kolkata) because the govt had better things to spend on than just give these cops guns n ammo...theyd rather spend it on ammo to kill innocent villagers and let SEZs come up all over the place...newaz cmin bk to the story....now this cop guy or ex-cop guy, baldev singh was in the police for a reason...and he actually holds a gun in one of the scenes (unless the govt wants to delete the scene because i cudn get a gun and it is only a cig lighter and u cant smoke on screen)...newaz he was in the police for a reason...just one reason...gabbar singh (played by MP Singh) ..yes the dreaded gabbar singh, the dacoit with just 3 companions (but then this would nt come within the legal dfn of dacoity)...ok 4 or more companions...
like i mentioned before this is set in salt lake city, kolkata and for the purpose of this script lets refer to it as saltgarh (as in saltgarh ke gaonwallon). so this cop who gets off the train walks up to baldev singh/ thakur and thakur baldev singh asks him to bring him two criminals, 'Jai' and 'Veeru' (Jai is played by anirban chakraborty better known as bono or chocobar...of the "hathodon ka haath", "i am a disco dancer", "check out my new step" fame and 'Veeru' is played by Supriyo of the "i am a foolbright uh...half bright...oh well im sposedly a scholar" fame).
now comes what is popularly called a flashback..as thakur recollects the first time he had met these habitual offenders while he was escorting these goons to jail...the train was attacked by some bandits (little cameos played by avijit saxey, akarshan and apoorva ) ...this attack by these bandits (of whom saxey plays the gay types/feminine types is called the bandit queen) results in the wounding of thakur...but brave jai and veeru defend the train and their sposed captor (thakur) just like ani, mayur, anshu, davis defend the base in the UT games that they play...so...cmin bk... its time now though i see no reason why...to break into the first song called "ye gaydude attitude hum nahin chodenge" in which i have to get them to sit in a cycle rickshaw because the guy who sits behind cannot get his hands off the other even when the other is riding the bike...somehow they manage to get into jail where the jail's functions are overlooked by the jailer(played by JK Das of the "i cant get my hands off the constitution" and "i think i have a crush on one of my students" fame). now these guys are contacted by this cop who meets thakur in the opening scene. this guy asks jai and veeru to capture gabbar singh. as consideration for this, he offers them 2 bags of lays and half a litre of pepsi, however they settle for the consideration for the act to be 3 bags of lays 2 litres of pepsi and 2 tickets to the india pakistan test match to be played in kolkata from the 30th november, 2007. they get the tickets and a bag of chips in advance. the two later join one of these unions and demand health insurance cover and PF also which the govt has no choice but to grant (they still have no money for ammo). the cop now agrees to this (note the oral offer, counter offer and acceptance all conveyed to the other party with no issues arising out of this). the duo are to get another bag of chips and half a litre of pepsi once they reach saltgarh.
in saltgarh they come across this chick who just dont stop yapping called basanti (played by mayur bhandari/kothari/nithari of the "my whore", "MMM(mayur murga moot-hari" fame) who has this horse,'Dhanno" (played by the cycle on which ramanuj had gone on the much hyped journey with saha). for veeru its love at first sight ad he tries to woo basanti (little does he know that basanti is part guy, part girl, part chicken and part baby corn). jai falls for thakur's widowed daughter in law, Radha (played by Matthews............................................................ what?! this is his first film!) jai finds that there is a lot of pain and sorrow in her life and he knows that he wants to give her more pain and more sorrow...the pervert that he is...jai tells veeru about his desire to get married and settle down with Radha so that once they get married he can torture her for dowry, beat her when he's drunk etc.
in the meantime Gabbar Singh keeps talking to his companions about 'Flims' and 'Peechers' and 'Constitutionalism' and even keeps asking them "Raksha Bandhan kab hai? kab hai rakhi?". gabbar's companions bored, fed up and irritated with these questions watch "back to the future" and send him into the future...this is now 2031 when the indian cricket team is about to leave for the very boring and drag Cricket World Cup(called 2-2 World Cup where each team bats/bowls 2 overs and ask the president of america about who won) 2031 in Russia (which is now a part of the America(s) after George Bush, the juniormost had a feeling that there might information technology weapons of mass destruction in bangladesh where he found evidence that osama was not killed when they dropped the atomic bombs on china and thailand and that he might be in the West Indies... so he decided that it was required for the safety of the American people that Russia be bombed...which it was and russia is now a giant sports field / barren land exclusively for the use of the children of those persons who lost their lives in the war against terrorism which is now being waged to get rid of osama and also the toad that went missing from the white house. bush the juniormost fears that the toad might have had access to some sensitive information which if shared with osama could obliterate the entire harree potterian community which is most of america ... which is most of the world.
anywaz gabbar is now in 2031. gabbar singh the lone real brown man in india now (as america sent back all indian americans to india once it was confirmed by the united nations of america that no person in india was alive after the last attack on india because of the belief that the toad might be on the indo pak border and the fact that american men cant read maps decided to bomb all of the sub continent) .... interestingly the 'govt of india' has issued a fresh request to pakistan to take action against the terrorist groups in PoK as there has been a rise in insurgency noticed in the region. ) gabbar singh with a new life or howmuchever is left in his own decides to run for president, and wins as in india the older u are the better the chances of u becoming the president. gabbar is now the oldest person in india, has lived 4 times the average life of an indian which is now 12, which is why people start praying to him and consider him god.
gabbar singh with nothing but boiled vegetables to eat now really wants to go back to his old life where he can be a cannibal again and take arbitrary decisions in the university watches the "back to the future" series which was recently found in mohenjodaro and goes back to the past after the decision in Gabbar Singh v State of America in which it was decided that the appellant had a right to go back to his old life as can be read from article 21 of the indian constitution. learned CJ Krishna Iyer, the juniormost had reffered to the reccommendation of the venkatachaliah committee on reform of the constitution of india.
so gabbar's back and since time/past would not stop, he comes back to this scene where basanti (mayur) is dancing on plastic bottles (as the soft drink companies intend to phase out the use of glass bottles and i cant use liqour bottles due to censorship issues)to a song called "jab tak hai jaan" ... ok fast fwd...this is what happens....basically gabbar is so affected by this culture shock that he cant take it no more and shoots himself in the head and then chop of his nails.
THE END.